I'm back. With a big fat unsmiley ):

What can I say - the last few days starting from Wed night were like a dream, the kind that entrances you when you're still in its embrace then abruptly releases you to the cold world which seems to suck so much more after that. So much a part of me is there. Everytime I convince myself that it's fine, I can handle the pain, the longing, but everytime I leave with a fresh rip in an old wound.

This time it's that much worse. Because I'm coming back all alone, because I didn't get to do so many things with so many people. But mostly because I only had 10mins to talk to my dearest 3 who rushed back from Germany thinking that we could at least spend one day tgt. She didn't know I was leaving today& I hated the stunned look she had when she knew. It's so freakin' unfair. I couldn't even take the chocs cos I would never bear to eat them. Then the car came &everyone -my famly, my friends- sent me off, I had to bite my lip hard to stop the tears from flowing in front of my most beloved people.

I don't know why it was so extra difficult today, it's not like that was my first time leaving. But somehow I just had this terrible sense of loss.

Perhaps it's my fault. For believing that such surreal happiness would last.

I'm sorry but I didn't miss Sg at all. I just wanna go back.

Tonight's Day #1 of coming home to an empty house.